„Most people have no idea how good is their body designed to feel.“
I realize that now being 31, I feel much more comfortable and happy in my body than 10 years ago. I remember times when I was trying all the kinds of diets, fasting, counting calories, not eating after 17 p.m. everything to get fast results, to get a summer body. It was never enough. I remember all the emotional eating after these periods of starvation. Moreover, it developed to an overall feeling of not being enough, striving to be more in every life aspect.
I was actually never a sporty person. I was thin because of restricting calories, but my body was week. My first actual encounter with „physical activity“ beside the school sports which I hated, was 5 years ago in Argentina – and it was yoga. Something that started just as activity to obtain a healthy and strong body, became a door into a world, where the body was a temple and movement and food – a loving tribute to it. Becoming vegetarian and then vegan was a natural development, everything else would be contradictory, as I wanted my body to be nourished at all levels. The space that I discovered through meditation, gave me a metaview on various aspects of my life. There was no need to eating my feelings away, because there was a space for them to be.
Also in this process I went through stages when I developed dogmatic thinking. Yoga was like a fresh love. I was totally in love: wanted to spend all the time doing asana practise, reading only books about yoga, connecting only with conscious people from the yoga scene, getting strict vegan. Everything what wasnt „yogic“ was kind of accepted, but at the same time not. I noticed it in myself and some other very dedicated yogis a hidden judgement towards people, who weren’t vegans or vegetarians. I know, #ahimsa and so on, and #namaste, I accept you as you are, but I kind of don’t want to have you in my close friends circle, you disrespectful unenlightened carnivore :).
I thought, it was yoga – being vegan, being dedicated to my asana practise, 8 limbs and so on. But maybe it was yoga, that enabled me to see, how during the process of running after this yogic ideal, I built fences, I divided people in in my folks and not mine, in us and them. I narrowed the space for my own being.
As in every romantic relationship, there is a stage, where you start to see shadows, things that you don’t like about the other. I didn’t like the fences, so I removed them. I turned from vegan to vegetarian, 3 months ago after a burnout, I incorporated fish and eggs in my diet and more indulgement treats. I dont practice asana every day, I meditate too seldom. But I do it, when I need it.
At the end, it’s not about my romantic relationship with yoga, to me yoga is my relationship to myself and through it – with the world. Selflove starts with being honest with yourself, understanding and accepting each facet of yourself with loving heart. It doesn’t mean, I blindly accept my asseholeness – I can change facets of mine that don’t serve neither me, nor others. I can learn to accept and love my very special facets, that don’t seem as perfect as my ideal vision would like them to be. It’s like in the late stages of a relationship: there is an acceptance of the other as he or she is, there is a deep connection between us and true love.